Part I. ‘Welcome to Sweden' the fair haired woman at the counter
said, with a bored expression on her face while handing me a small piece of paper with a number on it.
‘Wait in line until you see your number appear on the screen, and then head to the designated booth where you can apply for residency. NEXT!' That was it. That was my first taste of Sweden; professional and efficient.
I wandered into the Skatteverket's waiting lounge, firmly gripping my number in my hand, astounded by how systematic and pragmatic everything was. In one corner officials were recording people's weight and height, as well as taking their expressionless picture in front of a blank screen. In another corner, expats had been grouped together to fill out pages of bureaucratic forms. Each one was flicking through fat stacks of paper, holding a black ball point pen, and looking lost and confused.
Still holding tightly onto my small piece of paper, I simply sat down next to a sleeping North African man on one of the IKEA couches in the middle of the room, and stared intently at the changing numbers on the screen. ‘So, this is Sweden' I thought to myself.
While this may have been the first time I had set foot in Sweden, it was not the first time I had been in Scandinavia. Being half Danish and a quarter Norwegian, I have in fact visited Denmark and Norway countless times in the past. Somehow, however, Sweden had never really filtered onto my Scandinavian ‘to-do' list. ‘Why?' You may ask. Well, quite simply because I am of Danish and Norwegian heritage, and ‘we' do not ‘associate' with our neighbours to the east!
This might come as a surprise to some people. However, the harmonious depiction of Scandinavia as a trio of brotherly Viking-like nations is nothing more than a facade. Instead, you will find little other than light hearted cheap shot jokes at one another's expense, with a slight twist of maliciousness deeply intertwined into the soul of the gags.
So what do Scandinavians think of each other? Well, it really depends on who you ask! The Swedes will tell you that Norwegians are the uneducated peasants of the north. While the Norwegians will tell you that Swedes are the spoilt arrogant children on the Enlightenment. However, lately, irony has it that the Swedish people have resigned their aristocratic stereotype, to do manual work in Norway, thanks to the resurgent strength of the Norwegian ‘Kroner'.
Then there are the Danes, whom no one seems to understand, and therefore are resided to being made fun of for their somewhat gargled dialect. While Danes are generally known for being slightly decadent and hedonistic, it is our language which seems to be the main selling point for our Viking brothers to point and laugh at. Frankly put, however, we Danes don't seem to care and generally view the other Scandinavians surrounding us, as people who don't know how to have a good time.
There you have it. As a Dane, with a hint of Norwegian blood in me, I suppose that makes me an uneducated hedonist with a decadent reputation, living in the land of systematic Scandinavian aristocrat wannabes. I knew back when I was sitting on that IKEA couch in Gothenburg's Skatteverket, that I was in for a whole new world of uncomfortable situations and scenarios.
Over the next four part series of ‘Scandinavian Bewilderment', I will do my very best, to recount my expat experiences in the fair city of Gothenburg, which are by no means uneventful.
Danish Language:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-mOy8VUEBk Uneducated Norwegians:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHX-SjgQvQ Aristocratic Swedes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-WO73Dh7rY 
